The Mental Commitment

I have been going at it now for over two months, and I have made significant gains in my training. I can run 6 miles straight, and I have lost 22lbs of body fat; my clothes dont fit anymore, and my neighbors think I am extreme.

I have purchased books on training for triathlons, and am learning great forms for strength training for each of the three events. I have created a weekly schedule and am working hard to follow it, yet sometimes, at the end of the day, I still ask myself if I have made progress.

So much of exercising is mental, its not even funny. This month I have decided to, sort of, back off from pushing myself to "break records" in my training, and really focus on my foundation.

I am not flexible. I have never really been all that flexible, and I realize the importance of it. So this month, I am incorporating 1 hour of stretching into my workout, nearly every day (5 of the 7 days). I already can feel a difference in my flexibility, which tells me I have a long way to go still.

Another aspect of training I have added, is walking. 3 days a week, I plan to just go walking. It sounds kind of silly to walk, when I am already running at distances greater than I expect to run in a race next year, but walking is good for me. It works different muscles, and it improves your run. It helps me burn fat, which is currently my main target.

As I have started to properly build my foundation, my mind seems to be under attack, from itself... again. I had my wife take some photos of me, so that I can see my progress. Needless to say, it got me down. Its amazing how this could happen, I mean, I am doing really well, but my mind seems to forget that.

My wife took photos of herself, months ago, when she first set out to lose weight. We took some new ones the other night, and compared them to before. We saw some really good changes. I guess this is what brought me down, I dont have "real" before photos. I remember at the time thinking that I should take them, but alas, I never did... and now I am beating myself up over it, literally.

Its kind of strange, but on some days, when I feel I have really pushed myself and worked hard, when I get into bed at night, those are the nights my mind tries to tell me I am at a loss. I cant really explain it, other than it really does feel like a war. I strike hard in the morning, afternoon and evening, but come bed time, my enemy seeks revenge.

It is depressing to believe you are doing really well, and then hear yourself tell you that you aren't. I really wish I could pin point where this negativity comes from and move on with it, but I am struggling with it.

I can admit however, that in the morning, God has renewed me, and I am ready to fight another day. Sometimes I start a little later than I want to, but I start. The commitment is still here, because I am willing to fight for it, and I am not ready to give up on it just yet.